Going Solo: Single Parenthood

And so it Begins

“Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.”
― Sigmund Freud
Dear Isabella,

Today, in many ways, is the first day of our journey. After you were born, I brought you “home” to Grammy’s house. For the last four months, she has cared for us and cooked for us and helped us figure this whole thing out. Now it is time for us to really go “home” to our house in the city.

This day has been full of mixed emotions. Grammy’s house feels warm and safe and just like home. Being with Grammy feels safe and like home. Leaving feels wrong in so many ways.

Before you came, it was often hard for me to go to Grammy’s. That is the house where so many memories of your grandpa are. It is the house where he was sick and where he passed away. But having you start your life there was so right. Grandpa is everywhere in that house and though you will never meet him, I feel like somehow the two of you know each other now.

Now, that is the house where you smiled for the first time, where I heard your first giggle, and where I rocked you to sleep and sang you your first lullaby. It is where Grammy and I bonded again over ice cream and baby puke. It is where people came from all over to meet you for the very first time. It was the beginning for us and such an important part of our journey.

Now we must move forward, as scary as it may be, and return to my place in the city, a place that was once nothing more than a dorm-like bachelorette pad. I have worked hard, cleaned out old boxes and closets, and prepared a place for you in that life. I’m sure it will be tricky at first, but I know it is what is best for both of us.

Considering the fact that I cried as we left Grammy’s and most of the way home, I want you to know that we are going to be ok. As much as I wanted to turn around and go running back into Grammy’s arms, I know that We need to learn to survive on our own and trust that everything will be alright. And we can rest assured knowing that Grammy’s house is only a short car ride away.

Love,
Mommy

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