Losing Dad

Sunrise, Sunset

I used to love sunsets. I have a family in Montana that I have stayed with a few times and one of the boys actually saw a sunset and said it was “Rebekah’s sunset.” The sunsets in Montana, like Alaska, are fantastic! The other day, I was driving to work and was stopped at a light. I looked out my window and saw a woman on her porch swinging on a porch swing, reading a book. The breeze was perfect, the sun was going down and only slightly touching her. There was a tranquility water fountain beside her. I wanted to get out of my car and join her.

sunset

A few years ago, I remember my life was happy. My job was amazing, my relationship was new and exciting and seemed like it was going somewhere, I had just started my Masters program, and I had a new, beautiful house. I was also training for my first half marathon. My dad had just been diagnosed with cancer, but we were all hopeful and thought he might even be able to beat this damn thing. I remember looking at a friend of mine and saying my life was perfect and wonderful and I couldn’t remember being so happy. I took the time to enjoy sunsets.

Now, it seems like all of that has fallen apart. My hope has dwindled. I was laid off from the job I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life. My relationship is a question mark. My future is a question mark. My heart needs medication to work properly. My house feels more like a temporary dorm then a house. I don’t know what life will be like without my dad.  I can’t remember the last sunset I saw. I can’t remember the last time I sat down and just took the time to swing and read and breathe.

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